Starting seeds - and what faith means to a skeptic

Grr why do I dislike starting seeds so much? I love them after they sprout. But I hate pushing them down into the wet soil. I don't enjoy getting my nails dirty and watching my little soil blocks crumble, so unlike what they are supposed to do. I am terrible at keeping track of which tomato went into which tiny cube of soil and inevitably later I won't know or care, but right now my hands are dirty and I'm trying to write it all down.

I'm not very good at processes. And in the moment of planting I always lack the faith that these will really grow. I guess faith is doing it anyway.

I've been thinking an awful lot lately about what it means to believe in someone or something. You know, when people credit their mom for their success and say 'oh yeah she believed in me when no one else did' and it sounds warm and sweet but not like a big enough thing to yield any achievement?

I've been discovering that believing in someone or something means - believing enough to make the means of success available and not being half assed about it. In gardening I used to have things I didn't think I was 'good' at growing. This of course was self-fulfilling because I never risked too much effort, resources or space to making them grow. Then I watched someone who fully committed growing to the same plants, and by golly she grew them and they were beautiful.

So it is with people. Believing doesn't mean high fives every so often. It means doing the support work to help someone launch, allocating resources their way, and risking honesty when they need it. It took me a long time to figure this out. Now I'm going to work on stepping out and doing it.

What I planted today:

• 3 sweet bell peppers, 3 cayenne peppers, 4 mini eggplants
• 1 Paul Robeson beefsteak tomato, 1 Csikos beefsteak tomato, 2 Hakes gold tomatoes, 2 perfect flame small gold tomatoes
• 3 Marzano paste tomatoes, 2 Rutgers slicing tomatoes, 2 Golden Nugget mini tomatoes
• 2 Chianti pink tomatoes, 3 Isis goddess candy cherry tomatoes, 2 Bobcat beefsteak tomatoes
• 2 Lizano tomatoes, 5 edible seeded lupines
• 1 horehound, 1 lions tail, 3 tomatillos and a whole bunch of basil

I didn't take pictures of me groveling on the floor sticking seeds into blocks of wet soil. It was pathetic. I can't teach you how to do it beautifully. I can just encourage you to do it because the seeds will germinate and grow, and danged are tomatoes delicious.